so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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