i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
