she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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