dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
