That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
