I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
