she woke up with a sticky ear
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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