non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
