Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm passing your future prison.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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