I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
