I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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