Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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