Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
