Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize