Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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