it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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