I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
