I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
