please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
