Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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