i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
