There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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