remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
