ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
