She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
