My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
