i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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