Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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