you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
