My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
