what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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