You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
