Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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