Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
