Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
