mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
