I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
