if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
