Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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