I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's blow job season.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
