1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
