omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
