I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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