Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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