Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize