you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
