i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
