when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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