I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
