she looked like the bat from fern gully.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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