I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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