mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
