first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
