So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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