either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
