Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
