So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize