if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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