He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
