I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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