I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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