You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
