I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
