I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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