The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dick very happy bro
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
