i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
