my vag is so smooth its legendary
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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