don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
