Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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