420 ftw
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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