I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
